Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
