Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
