The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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