I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
