I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
