if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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