Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
