I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
