Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I will pee on everything he values.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
