so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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