I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
