why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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