Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
