you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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