In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
