Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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