1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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