You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
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