Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is wine microwaveable?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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