I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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