if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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