They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
