he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
