Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
