so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
