i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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