His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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