its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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