Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
