Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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