Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
