Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
