Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
