I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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