You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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