some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
