when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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