I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
