DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
