my vag is so smooth its legendary
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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