Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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