I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Vodka?
Forever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
