I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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