We need to rekindle our bromance
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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