Only a mothe r could love this liver
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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