this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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