how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
