he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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