dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just had sex bonerless
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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