I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
