I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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