Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
