What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
