my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
