I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize