She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
