so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
