wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
