Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
