Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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