is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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