just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
