watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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