I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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