Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
