you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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