You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
