Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
