here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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