It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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