So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
